[ There's a lot to miss about being a kid; the simplicity of it all, the natural carefree nature that came with running around in the yard playing pirates, the feeling that they were limitless. There was an underlying anger at how quickly it had all been ripped away, how jarring the transition from childhood problems to adulthood problems had been and how she hadn't been nearly old enough to process it all properly.
Which feeds into why she doesn't know how to respond to that statement. As long as she's happy. It's fucked up how foreign that word sounds, how impossible it feels. When was the last time she felt actually happy? Without an underlying tinge of sadness? Even with Rachel, there had been a fire that burned their fury at the world, drama that had never allowed for her to feel actually happy, outside of tiny spurts of moments.
She keeps her eyes on the floor, blue hair falling in front of her face. ]
I don't think I know how to be happy. [ A pause. ] Fuck, that sounds so melodramatic. I know how to feel happy, like temporarily, in the moment kind of happiness, it just always... ends. So I stick to easy shit that I know won't hurt as bad when it inevitably blows up in my face.
[ She rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. ] Like ... the shit that happened at the Glass. I never meant to hurt you, Max.
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Date: 2019-03-15 08:53 pm (UTC)Which feeds into why she doesn't know how to respond to that statement. As long as she's happy. It's fucked up how foreign that word sounds, how impossible it feels. When was the last time she felt actually happy? Without an underlying tinge of sadness? Even with Rachel, there had been a fire that burned their fury at the world, drama that had never allowed for her to feel actually happy, outside of tiny spurts of moments.
She keeps her eyes on the floor, blue hair falling in front of her face. ]
I don't think I know how to be happy. [ A pause. ] Fuck, that sounds so melodramatic. I know how to feel happy, like temporarily, in the moment kind of happiness, it just always... ends. So I stick to easy shit that I know won't hurt as bad when it inevitably blows up in my face.
[ She rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. ] Like ... the shit that happened at the Glass. I never meant to hurt you, Max.