[ She feels like a dick. She didn't even actually do a thing and she still feels like she should have been able to stop all this from happening. She rubs her face as she watches Max sink down, hears, the thuds and her groan off-camera. God, why was this town trying to destroy everything she had here?
She purses her lips for a second under her hands, before letting them drop and clearing her throat slightly. Maybe it'll get rid of the rasp in her voice, but she doubts it. It hasn't worked so far. ]
Sorry. Probably not the best time to tease. My bad.
[ She shifts a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, trying to figure out what she's supposed to say or do or how to keep quiet because Jesus, she keeps saying the wrong thing with all of this.
So when she finally tries to talk again, her voice is quiet, gentle even, and definitely a little embarrassed on her own end. ]
Look, I'm not... good at this shit. Maybe this place is trying to force me to get better about it, I dunno, but I — Everything that fake me said, it wasn't... All a lie, okay? [ Her face is still pink and it's not gonna get away from that shade any time soon, the more she talks. ] I really did like the uh - the rave and - and being... Y'know... C-Close and whatever. [ Close and whatever??? God, why is she like this. ] And I do appreciate how much you've been taking care of me. Especially lately, when - when you probably really need someone who can take care of you, too. And I haven't been. I haven't —
[ She sighs, letting her head hang back for a second, talking to her ceiling apparently being easier than looking at the feed. ]
You - you know this last month, as fucked up as it's all been, is the first time I've felt like things were the way they used to be with us in a long time. It felt like being home again. Not the crazy fucking reunion we had, but pre-Seattle, y'know? Back when things weren't so... fucked up. Remember how we could just sit in my room and do literally nothing for hours but it was totally fine because we were just with each other? I loved that. I loved us. I — [ Loved her.
Chloe could see that now, how much Max had meant to her, how she'd convinced herself they were just best friends, but even at fourteen, she'd crushed hard. Watching the way they were with each other when the circus tents had shown her memories to Ashe and Newt had made her see just how much she'd loved Max then. How much she still did, really, somewhere inside of herself. Some part she's cut off access to and wants desperately to get back. ]
I don't think I realized how much I missed that. Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be that way with you. I want it back. And it's the first time it's felt like maybe it was possible in... a long time.
[ She looked back at the feed again, offering her a sort of apologetic smile if she'd actually managed to look up again. ]
The only reason I don't go all "horny on main" at you like that body snatcher bitch earlier is because you deserve better than that. It's not that I... That I don't want that shit, but you're right. You can't be casual, and I ... I can't commit. Especially not before I figure out how to be your best friend again. I get that it doesn't make any of this less shitty, but I — I dunno. [ She sighs, shrugging. ] I don't want you to think that this place was just using your feelings against you, I guess.
[ There's a beat and she tries not to look at least a little amused, because Chloe can't end a serious speech like that without something a little lighthearted. ]
Cause I mean, I really do think you're cute when you're flustered. So clearly not all of it was bullshit.
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Date: 2019-09-19 04:24 am (UTC)She purses her lips for a second under her hands, before letting them drop and clearing her throat slightly. Maybe it'll get rid of the rasp in her voice, but she doubts it. It hasn't worked so far. ]
Sorry. Probably not the best time to tease. My bad.
[ She shifts a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, trying to figure out what she's supposed to say or do or how to keep quiet because Jesus, she keeps saying the wrong thing with all of this.
So when she finally tries to talk again, her voice is quiet, gentle even, and definitely a little embarrassed on her own end. ]
Look, I'm not... good at this shit. Maybe this place is trying to force me to get better about it, I dunno, but I — Everything that fake me said, it wasn't... All a lie, okay? [ Her face is still pink and it's not gonna get away from that shade any time soon, the more she talks. ] I really did like the uh - the rave and - and being... Y'know... C-Close and whatever. [ Close and whatever??? God, why is she like this. ] And I do appreciate how much you've been taking care of me. Especially lately, when - when you probably really need someone who can take care of you, too. And I haven't been. I haven't —
[ She sighs, letting her head hang back for a second, talking to her ceiling apparently being easier than looking at the feed. ]
You - you know this last month, as fucked up as it's all been, is the first time I've felt like things were the way they used to be with us in a long time. It felt like being home again. Not the crazy fucking reunion we had, but pre-Seattle, y'know? Back when things weren't so... fucked up. Remember how we could just sit in my room and do literally nothing for hours but it was totally fine because we were just with each other? I loved that. I loved us. I — [ Loved her.
Chloe could see that now, how much Max had meant to her, how she'd convinced herself they were just best friends, but even at fourteen, she'd crushed hard. Watching the way they were with each other when the circus tents had shown her memories to Ashe and Newt had made her see just how much she'd loved Max then. How much she still did, really, somewhere inside of herself. Some part she's cut off access to and wants desperately to get back. ]
I don't think I realized how much I missed that. Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be that way with you. I want it back. And it's the first time it's felt like maybe it was possible in... a long time.
[ She looked back at the feed again, offering her a sort of apologetic smile if she'd actually managed to look up again. ]
The only reason I don't go all "horny on main" at you like that body snatcher bitch earlier is because you deserve better than that. It's not that I... That I don't want that shit, but you're right. You can't be casual, and I ... I can't commit. Especially not before I figure out how to be your best friend again. I get that it doesn't make any of this less shitty, but I — I dunno. [ She sighs, shrugging. ] I don't want you to think that this place was just using your feelings against you, I guess.
[ There's a beat and she tries not to look at least a little amused, because Chloe can't end a serious speech like that without something a little lighthearted. ]
Cause I mean, I really do think you're cute when you're flustered. So clearly not all of it was bullshit.