[ She shrugs her shoulders slightly. Rachel was like the larger piece of a puzzle, but maybe it was where it started. Or ... She shakes her head, pulling back from the hug finally and running a hand through her hair, resting her forehead against her palm. ]
She's... part of it, I guess, but just - it's been like this since Dad died. I lost him, then you, then Eliot went nuts when I got close to Rachel. She dies. Frank went nuts and I - I - [ She couldn't get the words out, still not sure how to feel about killing a man. ] I get you back and all that bullshit goes down. But it's not just at home, it's here too. In Reims, the first kid I got close to ended up super sick and almost died. Then another girl I wanted to be friends with got really hurt by another person in the town. I got close to Eddie there and when he first showed up here, he had no idea who I was - same for Newt, and Will, and Little Max. I opened up to Justine and then she died a week or so later. I let Shiro in, then Eddie turned into a monster and killed me. I let Keith get to know me, I let Rei and Hana get close, and then Reaper just - kills me for shits and giggles.
It's -
[ She took another breath, letting her hand finally fall. ]
It's like I'm cursed. And these nightmares just keep all that fresh so I won't forget.
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Date: 2019-01-06 04:06 am (UTC)She's... part of it, I guess, but just - it's been like this since Dad died. I lost him, then you, then Eliot went nuts when I got close to Rachel. She dies. Frank went nuts and I - I - [ She couldn't get the words out, still not sure how to feel about killing a man. ] I get you back and all that bullshit goes down. But it's not just at home, it's here too. In Reims, the first kid I got close to ended up super sick and almost died. Then another girl I wanted to be friends with got really hurt by another person in the town. I got close to Eddie there and when he first showed up here, he had no idea who I was - same for Newt, and Will, and Little Max. I opened up to Justine and then she died a week or so later. I let Shiro in, then Eddie turned into a monster and killed me. I let Keith get to know me, I let Rei and Hana get close, and then Reaper just - kills me for shits and giggles.
It's -
[ She took another breath, letting her hand finally fall. ]
It's like I'm cursed. And these nightmares just keep all that fresh so I won't forget.