[That's not the answer she's expecting. She thought maybe something from her nightmare. Something about William or Rachel, or...
But it is about them too, isn't it?]
You mean like Rachel?
[The name comes out softly, delicately. Despite Chloe's outburst at the Glass, she knows full well how much Chloe's angel means to her. Despite is even the wrong word. You don't say those things to someone you don't care about.
The memory of finding Rachel threatens to surface. She can almost hear Chloe's voice calling out in the scrapyard, high pitched and spiraling out of control. Max's own concerns seem small and insignificant next to that frightening sound.]
[ She shrugs her shoulders slightly. Rachel was like the larger piece of a puzzle, but maybe it was where it started. Or ... She shakes her head, pulling back from the hug finally and running a hand through her hair, resting her forehead against her palm. ]
She's... part of it, I guess, but just - it's been like this since Dad died. I lost him, then you, then Eliot went nuts when I got close to Rachel. She dies. Frank went nuts and I - I - [ She couldn't get the words out, still not sure how to feel about killing a man. ] I get you back and all that bullshit goes down. But it's not just at home, it's here too. In Reims, the first kid I got close to ended up super sick and almost died. Then another girl I wanted to be friends with got really hurt by another person in the town. I got close to Eddie there and when he first showed up here, he had no idea who I was - same for Newt, and Will, and Little Max. I opened up to Justine and then she died a week or so later. I let Shiro in, then Eddie turned into a monster and killed me. I let Keith get to know me, I let Rei and Hana get close, and then Reaper just - kills me for shits and giggles.
It's -
[ She took another breath, letting her hand finally fall. ]
It's like I'm cursed. And these nightmares just keep all that fresh so I won't forget.
[She watches Chloe with real worry etched on her face. She doesn't know what to say. Chloe has had so many bad experiences. So many terrible things happen to her. If she were in Chloe's place, she'd feel cursed as well.]
...You keep saying it like it's your fault. Like because you opened up bad things happened.
[She leans forward, putting a gentle hand on Chloe's arm.]
You know that's not true, right? And... some good things have happened too.
[They're together again, for example. In fact, if anything, the universe wants to keep them together. It lets them change time, and now space, too. Maybe this whole new reality is just for them. Just so they can stay together.]
You can't blame yourself, Chloe. There are... so many people at fault. [Names she doesn't want to speak, right now. Jefferson, Nathan, Reaper...] It's just... life.
[ She wants to believe it, but it's hard to with everything stacked up against it. She still doesn't look at her, fingers playing with an imaginary string in the sheets they sat on. ]
How do you know? The good things... They feel like they just get followed by the bad. I met Rachel and her life immediately turned to shit - because I got involved in it. I got you back, and - and look what happened, Max. [ She looks up at her finally, forehead creased. ] Nathan, all those animals. The storm.
[She doesn't know. Not at all. And she wishes very much she could tell Chloe that storm wasn't because of them, had nothing to do with Chloe being alive. But she knows for a fact that it isn't true.
But the other things? Rachel, Eddie becoming a monster, people getting sick or dying... no.]
I don't know... but I don't believe for one second that it's because of you. I'm the one with the reality warping super power, remember? [She smiles weakly. It's a small attempt to lighten the mood.]
Always remember what I said in the Glass. The time I have with you has always been the best of my life. Nathan and storm and all. [She pushes forward for another hug, because she means it. Though it makes her wince as the wounds across her torso protest the sudden motion. One hug too many.] And all those people, Eddie and Shiro and Rei... They're all still your friends because you're worth it. And because they don't blame you.
[ Chloe could feel her jaw tremble, she closed her eyes again and wasn't sure she could believe it. ] If you knew all the shit that happened while you were gone, Max, I... I don't know that you could still say that.
[ She appreciates the reiteration of her worth all the same, and she's quiet for a moment, before she goes to lean into the hug. It's then that she notices the strain, the tension that she recognizes from her own bouts of injuries. She pulls back, any thought of herself or her issues gone, and replaced with a look of concern. ]
[It's been about a month in Deerington. Horrible things have happened, but she wouldn't trade this for another month without Chloe. Never.
Chloe leans into the hug and presses on just the wrong spot - one of the particularly bad wounds. Of all the times for the stupid things to start acting up. Max lets out a strained mmf of pain as she pulls away.]
I just- I got-...
[She pulls on the sleeves of her pajamas, making sure they're covering the bandages down her arms.]
[ She saw the tugging, saw the way she moved and quickly moved herself to turn on the light finally, her eyes trying to adjust quickly to the change as she settled back on the bed. ]
"Let's not"? [ Oh no. No, that was clearly not going to fly. It didn't matter how she was feeling, Chloe got up on her feet quick so she cut off Max's path to her own bed. ]
You're not just avoiding this. Did someone hurt you? [ 'Cause it's pretty clear she'll throw down if they did, ok. ]
[Bandages cover her arm, from halfway down her forearm all the way up, regardless how far Chloe pushes her sleeve. It's clear that they extend to her torso. They're neat and professional, and clean, but frayed at some edges where she's obviously picked at them.
[ She pushed them up far enough to get the message, her fingers reaching out to gently brush over the bandages. It's easy to tell she went to Angela, which only makes her frown deepen. She had needed medical attention and she kept it from her. They both had.
Her forehead wrinkles, creases deep as she looks back up at her. ]
[She really wishes she'd thought about this more. What to say. How to say it. She gulps, then forces herself to look up at Chloe.]
...When I talked to Reaper, I tried to... rewind it away. [She bites her lip.] I was trying to be safe. [The intent is important, right...?]
And all my old scars just suddenly tore open. [Not only a reminder of one of her worst moments in Wonderland, when she ran into that wall of bone and it shattered, lacerating her arms and torso. But also painful and terrifying here in Deerington.]
[ Oooh, does that bring silence. A lot of it. She's staring at her for a moment, the emotions she's feeling somehow blessedly staying off of her face the whole time. Or perhaps that's not much of a comfort in the long run, leaving her in the dark with how she's reacting to it all.
Her jaw tenses for a moment and she goes to carefully roll her sleeves down. The fact that these were old scars meant that there had been old wounds, and while she had known that her time in Wonderland likely hadn't been easy, she hated knowing that it had been so hard. She hated being forced to see the evidence of it. There's a sadness to it, a worry, a guilt - she had been there, she'd left, and she couldn't remember a damn thing.
And there's anger. Anger she manages to quiet down, to keep at least a little more under control than she might have a year ago. ]
I told you not to for a reason, Max. [ Her voice trembles with the effort to stay even as she looks back up to her. She promised she wouldn't freak and she's trying her damnedest to keep it. ] This place fucks with peoples powers. You could've killed yourself.
[Her long silence is almost too much to bear. Max stares at Chloe, already thinking about how terrible this is going to be. How angry Chloe is going to sound. And, reflexively, already thinking about rewinding this away, even though that's exactly the problem.
She stands there, hands shaking the tiniest bit, as Chloe rolls her sleeves down.]
I... I thought this was a good enough reason to do it.
[A matter of life or death after all. Not her's but...
She stops short of saying she's sorry, because she's entirely sure that she is.]
[ Chloe places her hands against Max's face, meeting her eyes finally as she did so. It's a firm grip, but not so much so that she wouldn't be able to pull away with ease if she wanted to. ]
Max, I need you to promise me that unless you're in a situation where it's immediately life-threatening - like, blow about to land kind of moments - you won't use your powers. You don't even know that this is the worst it could get.
[ She swallows rough enough that it's visible in her throat, trying to hold back any tears she wanted to cry. She's sick of crying. ]
This shit has cost us enough, hasn't it? Can't we just... let everything fall wherever it's going to?
[She doesn't pull away; in fact she puts a hand over one of Chloe's. There's real distress in her expression. Not sadness or doubt or anger. Distress. Wide eyes, furrowed brow, trembling lip. She shakes her head very slightly as though trying to say no, but it has no real conviction, not so much an answer as just a motion.
Rewinding is the only advantage they have. Without it they're literally just a pair of girls from Oregon. And yeah, she can agree to only using it when needed. But to narrow it down that much? To save it only for the very last instant?
She thinks back on their days in Arcadia and imagines how many things she could've fixed ahead of time. If she'd been smart about it.
She blinks several times, also forcing herself not to cry. How can Chloe ask this of her? To let things fall wherever they want to? Don't both of them deserve more than that, after everything that happened before?]
[ Chloe let her hands drop when she didn't answer with more than the shake, going to grip at her own hair quickly in frustration as she turns away from her. Her hands drop back to her sides after a moment, the sound of her palms hitting her thighs feeling unnaturally loud in the quiet of Angela's house so late at night. ]
What if the cuts are deeper next time? What if you end up getting more nosebleeds? Don't you remember how weak this shit made you? Or do you just not care as long as you can fix everything?
[ The word sounds as bitter as one might expect it to. Fix was, after all, hardly a word she could describe to what happened in Arcadia Bay. ]
If it nearly killed you at home, this place will make sure it does here. Don't you get that?
Edited (my default icon is super inappropriate for this tag) Date: 2019-01-07 03:57 am (UTC)
But how do you say that? How do you make it sound like you care, not like you're digging relentlessly at old wounds? Not like you're being obsessive and dangerously one-sided?
She does care. Who she cares about more is the better question.
She reaches forward, putting a tentative hand on Chloe's shoulder.]
Let's not fight...
[It's a small plea. She's so tired of fighting with Chloe. She hates it every single time. If only the world was simpler, less dangerous, then the two of them would have nothing to argue over. It would be like being kids all over again.
Being an adult is hard.
How much more fighting before Chloe pushes her away? Before they stop being friends? Even just a little more now will send Max over and make her promise to stop rewinding, if only so they'll stop fighting...]
[ She doesn't pull away from her touch, at least, even if she doesn't immediately respond to her words. The plea isn't ignored, but she doesn't know what to say to it, how to give in when it feels like so much is at stake.
But she owes it to her, doesn't she? To give her peace of mind after all the pain and trouble she's caused her by being reckless. The very thing she's begging Max to not be. Was it fair? Did she even have a right to ask her to take care of herself when she so rarely did so for Max?
Chloe turns her head enough so that she could see her out of the corner of her eye over her shoulder. No more or less, not sure she can look at her and still agree. ]
Despite Chloe backing down, Max feels terrible. If anything it makes her want to cry more - that sideways look, the finality of her words and tone. She's sure it would take more than this for them to not be friends, but it's certainly a chink in that armor. A little step toward an unhappy ending.
But they need this. They need the rewinds. Chloe needs them. Max stands there, staring, unsure whether to pull her hand away.]
[ She tries to relax. The tension manages to leave her shoulders, deflating her slightly in the process. She didn't want to fight. She just always seems to start one. Whether it's out of concern or just because she's never had good control on her temper, it's still always there.
She's caused enough drama for her and she hates the idea of causing more. She forces herself to turn a little more fully towards her, not quite able to shake the exhaustion from her face, even if she tries to give her a reassuring smile.
The same smile she always tried to give her mom when trying to convince her everything really was just fine. ]
You'll do what you think is right. I trust you. I'm just... worrying, I guess.
[She's not sure how much she trusts that smile, but it's at the very least a little comforting. She tugs at Chloe's arm, pulling her toward the bed.]
I don't blame you. Just leave the worrying to me while you're still sick...
[She needs rest. Max reaches down into her bag, because she has something that might help: one of Chloe's candy edibles. Max was pretty sure they wouldn't be stinking up Angela's house with actual smoke (cigarette or otherwise), and she'd fortunately had the foresight to swipe one of the candies from Chloe's room. She'd seen them often enough and she can guess exactly what they do. She unwraps it from some tissue paper and offers it.]
...This is a one time deal okay? It's not exactly what the doctor ordered.
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no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 12:57 am (UTC)But it is about them too, isn't it?]
You mean like Rachel?
[The name comes out softly, delicately. Despite Chloe's outburst at the Glass, she knows full well how much Chloe's angel means to her. Despite is even the wrong word. You don't say those things to someone you don't care about.
The memory of finding Rachel threatens to surface. She can almost hear Chloe's voice calling out in the scrapyard, high pitched and spiraling out of control. Max's own concerns seem small and insignificant next to that frightening sound.]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 04:06 am (UTC)She's... part of it, I guess, but just - it's been like this since Dad died. I lost him, then you, then Eliot went nuts when I got close to Rachel. She dies. Frank went nuts and I - I - [ She couldn't get the words out, still not sure how to feel about killing a man. ] I get you back and all that bullshit goes down. But it's not just at home, it's here too. In Reims, the first kid I got close to ended up super sick and almost died. Then another girl I wanted to be friends with got really hurt by another person in the town. I got close to Eddie there and when he first showed up here, he had no idea who I was - same for Newt, and Will, and Little Max. I opened up to Justine and then she died a week or so later. I let Shiro in, then Eddie turned into a monster and killed me. I let Keith get to know me, I let Rei and Hana get close, and then Reaper just - kills me for shits and giggles.
It's -
[ She took another breath, letting her hand finally fall. ]
It's like I'm cursed. And these nightmares just keep all that fresh so I won't forget.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 05:54 am (UTC)...You keep saying it like it's your fault. Like because you opened up bad things happened.
[She leans forward, putting a gentle hand on Chloe's arm.]
You know that's not true, right? And... some good things have happened too.
[They're together again, for example. In fact, if anything, the universe wants to keep them together. It lets them change time, and now space, too. Maybe this whole new reality is just for them. Just so they can stay together.]
You can't blame yourself, Chloe. There are... so many people at fault. [Names she doesn't want to speak, right now. Jefferson, Nathan, Reaper...] It's just... life.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 03:42 pm (UTC)How do you know? The good things... They feel like they just get followed by the bad. I met Rachel and her life immediately turned to shit - because I got involved in it. I got you back, and - and look what happened, Max. [ She looks up at her finally, forehead creased. ] Nathan, all those animals. The storm.
Is that really just life?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 09:41 pm (UTC)But the other things? Rachel, Eddie becoming a monster, people getting sick or dying... no.]
I don't know... but I don't believe for one second that it's because of you. I'm the one with the reality warping super power, remember? [She smiles weakly. It's a small attempt to lighten the mood.]
Always remember what I said in the Glass. The time I have with you has always been the best of my life. Nathan and storm and all. [She pushes forward for another hug, because she means it. Though it makes her wince as the wounds across her torso protest the sudden motion. One hug too many.] And all those people, Eddie and Shiro and Rei... They're all still your friends because you're worth it. And because they don't blame you.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 10:03 pm (UTC)[ She appreciates the reiteration of her worth all the same, and she's quiet for a moment, before she goes to lean into the hug. It's then that she notices the strain, the tension that she recognizes from her own bouts of injuries. She pulls back, any thought of herself or her issues gone, and replaced with a look of concern. ]
Max - are you - are you okay? What happened?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 10:13 pm (UTC)[It's been about a month in Deerington. Horrible things have happened, but she wouldn't trade this for another month without Chloe. Never.
Chloe leans into the hug and presses on just the wrong spot - one of the particularly bad wounds. Of all the times for the stupid things to start acting up. Max lets out a strained mmf of pain as she pulls away.]
I just- I got-...
[She pulls on the sleeves of her pajamas, making sure they're covering the bandages down her arms.]
It's nothing. I was dumb.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 10:29 pm (UTC)[ She saw the tugging, saw the way she moved and quickly moved herself to turn on the light finally, her eyes trying to adjust quickly to the change as she settled back on the bed. ]
When? Let me - let me see.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 10:34 pm (UTC)There's nothing to see...
[Chloe goes back to the bed and Max stands, moving back toward her cot. Yes, Chloe, she's literally physically avoiding you in the same small room.]
Let's not, okay?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-06 11:17 pm (UTC)You're not just avoiding this. Did someone hurt you? [ 'Cause it's pretty clear she'll throw down if they did, ok. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 12:17 am (UTC)Nobody hurt me.
[Except herself apparently. She looks down at the floor, extending an arm toward Chloe, offering her sleeve.]
Please don't freak.
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Date: 2019-01-07 01:34 am (UTC)Her mouth scrunches, before she tentatively reaches forward and goes to push her sleeves up without a word. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 01:47 am (UTC)She keeps her eyes on the floor.]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 01:49 am (UTC)Her forehead wrinkles, creases deep as she looks back up at her. ]
How?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 02:04 am (UTC)...When I talked to Reaper, I tried to... rewind it away. [She bites her lip.] I was trying to be safe. [The intent is important, right...?]
And all my old scars just suddenly tore open. [Not only a reminder of one of her worst moments in Wonderland, when she ran into that wall of bone and it shattered, lacerating her arms and torso. But also painful and terrifying here in Deerington.]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 02:54 am (UTC)Her jaw tenses for a moment and she goes to carefully roll her sleeves down. The fact that these were old scars meant that there had been old wounds, and while she had known that her time in Wonderland likely hadn't been easy, she hated knowing that it had been so hard. She hated being forced to see the evidence of it. There's a sadness to it, a worry, a guilt - she had been there, she'd left, and she couldn't remember a damn thing.
And there's anger. Anger she manages to quiet down, to keep at least a little more under control than she might have a year ago. ]
I told you not to for a reason, Max. [ Her voice trembles with the effort to stay even as she looks back up to her. She promised she wouldn't freak and she's trying her damnedest to keep it. ] This place fucks with peoples powers. You could've killed yourself.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 03:10 am (UTC)She stands there, hands shaking the tiniest bit, as Chloe rolls her sleeves down.]
I... I thought this was a good enough reason to do it.
[A matter of life or death after all. Not her's but...
She stops short of saying she's sorry, because she's entirely sure that she is.]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 03:34 am (UTC)Max, I need you to promise me that unless you're in a situation where it's immediately life-threatening - like, blow about to land kind of moments - you won't use your powers. You don't even know that this is the worst it could get.
[ She swallows rough enough that it's visible in her throat, trying to hold back any tears she wanted to cry. She's sick of crying. ]
This shit has cost us enough, hasn't it? Can't we just... let everything fall wherever it's going to?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 03:50 am (UTC)Rewinding is the only advantage they have. Without it they're literally just a pair of girls from Oregon. And yeah, she can agree to only using it when needed. But to narrow it down that much? To save it only for the very last instant?
She thinks back on their days in Arcadia and imagines how many things she could've fixed ahead of time. If she'd been smart about it.
She blinks several times, also forcing herself not to cry. How can Chloe ask this of her? To let things fall wherever they want to? Don't both of them deserve more than that, after everything that happened before?]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 03:57 am (UTC)What if the cuts are deeper next time? What if you end up getting more nosebleeds? Don't you remember how weak this shit made you? Or do you just not care as long as you can fix everything?
[ The word sounds as bitter as one might expect it to. Fix was, after all, hardly a word she could describe to what happened in Arcadia Bay. ]
If it nearly killed you at home, this place will make sure it does here. Don't you get that?
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 04:24 am (UTC)Do you know what my death count is?
One.
Compared to nine.
But how do you say that? How do you make it sound like you care, not like you're digging relentlessly at old wounds? Not like you're being obsessive and dangerously one-sided?
She does care. Who she cares about more is the better question.
She reaches forward, putting a tentative hand on Chloe's shoulder.]
Let's not fight...
[It's a small plea. She's so tired of fighting with Chloe. She hates it every single time. If only the world was simpler, less dangerous, then the two of them would have nothing to argue over. It would be like being kids all over again.
Being an adult is hard.
How much more fighting before Chloe pushes her away? Before they stop being friends? Even just a little more now will send Max over and make her promise to stop rewinding, if only so they'll stop fighting...]
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 04:35 am (UTC)But she owes it to her, doesn't she? To give her peace of mind after all the pain and trouble she's caused her by being reckless. The very thing she's begging Max to not be. Was it fair? Did she even have a right to ask her to take care of herself when she so rarely did so for Max?
Chloe turns her head enough so that she could see her out of the corner of her eye over her shoulder. No more or less, not sure she can look at her and still agree. ]
Fine. Consider it dropped.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 04:44 am (UTC)Despite Chloe backing down, Max feels terrible. If anything it makes her want to cry more - that sideways look, the finality of her words and tone. She's sure it would take more than this for them to not be friends, but it's certainly a chink in that armor. A little step toward an unhappy ending.
But they need this. They need the rewinds. Chloe needs them. Max stands there, staring, unsure whether to pull her hand away.]
Chloe...
no subject
Date: 2019-01-07 05:06 am (UTC)She's caused enough drama for her and she hates the idea of causing more. She forces herself to turn a little more fully towards her, not quite able to shake the exhaustion from her face, even if she tries to give her a reassuring smile.
The same smile she always tried to give her mom when trying to convince her everything really was just fine. ]
You'll do what you think is right. I trust you. I'm just... worrying, I guess.
hope this is ok lol
Date: 2019-01-07 05:31 am (UTC)I don't blame you. Just leave the worrying to me while you're still sick...
[She needs rest. Max reaches down into her bag, because she has something that might help: one of Chloe's candy edibles. Max was pretty sure they wouldn't be stinking up Angela's house with actual smoke (cigarette or otherwise), and she'd fortunately had the foresight to swipe one of the candies from Chloe's room. She'd seen them often enough and she can guess exactly what they do. She unwraps it from some tissue paper and offers it.]
...This is a one time deal okay? It's not exactly what the doctor ordered.
ahaha it's perfect
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