[She feels like she's been slapped. Like Chloe tricked her with the word love, bringing her up for just a moment before throwing her back down.
Guilt?
How dare she. How dare she use that against her.]
I have tried so hard to make you happy... I've...
[This wouldn't hurt so much if it wasn't a little true. And it hurts so much more to be realizing it for the first time. Realizing how much she deserves this.]
You know what, Chloe? [Her voice is sharper now, hiding hurt behind bitterness.] You're right. I'm a shitty friend. I'm- I'm selfish, and... and we don't even know how to be friends anymore! So yes - yes, I think Rachel would have done a better job. And I'm fucking sorry you're stuck with me. I know y-you want to believe in me... but I traded you! I'm the reason you can't go home! Don't you get that?
[Nothing to go home to. Chloe's whole life now will be Deerington and its nightmares, until the town decides to end her.]
You "loving" me isn't something that should have ever happened, Chloe. Not here. Not in Wonderland. Not in Arcadia Bay. It always ends up the same way.
[ Chloe can feel that tightness in her chest growing, the pain radiating outward and slowly taking over every inch of her body. She feels blinded by it, even with her eyes shut tightly. She can hear a rushing in her ears as her pulse quickens, curling up in tighter on herself and her hands gripping at the side of her head harder as she tries to block out her words with no success.
In the middle of her grief, her mind wraps around the idea of not knowing how to be friends to mean that Max doesn't even want to try. That she needs to give up because things get hard, because she's too broken, because she can't separate her from the storm, from Arcadia Bay - from the Chloe in Wonderland who loved her so much better than she could. ]
Stop it, please stop, I don't — I'm n-not her, I don't remember —
[ She can't breathe. She's trying, but all that seems to come out is panicked gasps as she fumbles for the FLUID. ]
I'm sorry, Max, I just — I can't do this right now. Please.
[ Don't hate her. Forgive her later. It's not really clear if that's what she means by please, but she hopes it comes through even without clarification. There's the small sounds of her hands moving over the device before she manages to find the button on the screen that lets her cut the feed. ]
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no subject
Date: 2019-08-17 01:36 am (UTC)[She feels like she's been slapped. Like Chloe tricked her with the word love, bringing her up for just a moment before throwing her back down.
Guilt?
How dare she. How dare she use that against her.]
I have tried so hard to make you happy... I've...
[This wouldn't hurt so much if it wasn't a little true. And it hurts so much more to be realizing it for the first time. Realizing how much she deserves this.]
You know what, Chloe? [Her voice is sharper now, hiding hurt behind bitterness.] You're right. I'm a shitty friend. I'm- I'm selfish, and... and we don't even know how to be friends anymore! So yes - yes, I think Rachel would have done a better job. And I'm fucking sorry you're stuck with me. I know y-you want to believe in me... but I traded you! I'm the reason you can't go home! Don't you get that?
[Nothing to go home to. Chloe's whole life now will be Deerington and its nightmares, until the town decides to end her.]
You "loving" me isn't something that should have ever happened, Chloe. Not here. Not in Wonderland. Not in Arcadia Bay. It always ends up the same way.
[Doesn't Chloe understand that?]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-17 03:36 am (UTC)In the middle of her grief, her mind wraps around the idea of not knowing how to be friends to mean that Max doesn't even want to try. That she needs to give up because things get hard, because she's too broken, because she can't separate her from the storm, from Arcadia Bay - from the Chloe in Wonderland who loved her so much better than she could. ]
Stop it, please stop, I don't — I'm n-not her, I don't remember —
[ She can't breathe. She's trying, but all that seems to come out is panicked gasps as she fumbles for the FLUID. ]
I'm sorry, Max, I just — I can't do this right now. Please.
[ Don't hate her. Forgive her later. It's not really clear if that's what she means by please, but she hopes it comes through even without clarification. There's the small sounds of her hands moving over the device before she manages to find the button on the screen that lets her cut the feed. ]