[ A part of her almost expected her not to open it, so when she sees her standing in front of her, that look on her face, Chloe all but freezes. She swallows roughly, rubbing the back of her neck, fingers playing with the strands of hair that stick out from under her beanie. She isn't sure what to say at first and the awkward silence just lingers. ]
... Hi.
[ Oh, yeah, that's going to go over well. She cringes slightly, looking down at the ground. Maybe that would make it easier. ]
[She should be nice. Obviously. She should wrap her arms around Chloe and pull her best friend into a tight hug and tell her how happy she is that Chloe's alive.
But she's had six days to herself, and she's thought a lot, and she's scoured the network, and she knows what Chloe did. She saw the username price is right. She saw how it grilled Reaper relentlessly. And she knows that Angela repeatedly warned Chloe to stay away, for her own safety.
But that's a joke to her, isn't it?
Though Max wants this to be happy, she is not going to let Chloe get away with treating her life so casually.
Her expression hardens at Chloe's apology.]
...Eddie and I had Christmas without you.
[Her voice is soft, and her eyes gleam with moisture.]
[ If she'd expected anything, it certainly wasn't that. Chloe feels her throat tighten and her heart clench in a way that hurts more than being shot in the head ever could. She feels her lip tremble, her fists tightening at her sides. ]
I didn't - I didn't mean to...
[ Her voice shakes slightly when she speaks no matter how hard she tries to control it. ]
I wasn't - It was just supposed to be a joke, I didn't think he'd go that crazy. I've bugged him before and he never -- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I - I fucked up.
No. [ She goes to run a hand through her hair, pulling off the beanie in the process, her eyes locking on Max's shoes for a solid second or two afterward as she tries to figure out how to even follow that up. ]
No, this isn't... this isn't a joke. I don't know why I do this stuff. I don't - [ She bites down on the inside of her cheek, eyes closing as she tries to stop herself from crying. She doesn't feel like she really has a right in the moment. Not when she's sure hurt so many people by getting herself killed. ]
Maybe - maybe when you just... get told your life isn't worth anything for so long, you get stuck in some fucked up habits. Or maybe risking it has been the only way I've been able to feel alive since Dad. Or maybe knowing that I've got -- That everything back home is -- [ She closes her eyes even tighter, shaking her head. ]
I promise I'll try to be better. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt Eddie.
[She has no idea what to say to her unfinished sentence about home. Instead she steps close and puts a hand on the crook of Chloe' neck. There are too many emotions, too many things she wants to say, but the words won't form.]
Chloe...
[The sight of her best friend with her head down and eyes squeezed shut makes her feel terrible. She's only seen her like this a few times. Without even the strength to be snarky and talk back.]
[ She doesn't pull away from her touch, her lip trembling again as she tries to keep herself together still. A part of her wants to cling to her, but she still keeps herself together the best she can. ]
What if... What if it's like at home? What if nothing I do changes it? [ The strange storm patterns that had started when she first arrived had made it impossible for her to not feel like everything had followed her to Deerington. Even if some of that initial guilt has died down, she still has her fears. Ones she'll never shake.
She opens her eyes to look at her finally, forehead creased. ]
I want to be better. I promise I'll try. I just don't know if it'll do any good.
It will. [She holds Chloe's gaze. Her tone takes on the same strength as in the Glass, in that brief moment of real determination, almost anger.] Then we'll fight it here too. We'll make it better. Together.
[She understands how Chloe feels- that sense of finality, of being unable to change anything. But they can't just give up here. Not when they have this second or third chance. Does the number even matter? She has to believe that things can change. That they can build something better. Permanent.]
I promise. I'm gonna... I'm gonna fight for you, Chloe. But so should you.
[And they'll let the town crumble if they have to.]
So no more being reckless. Think about... [Her voice softens even further, her hand tensing.] Think about Eddie. [Think about me, she wants to say, but that would be... strange.]
[ Chloe always hated how much fighting for her had taken a toll on Max back home; the nose bleeds, the mental and physical anguish that came from their crazy week. She wonders if she had to spent just as much time protecting her in Wonderland, too, or if maybe she'd managed to keep her shit together enough in a different universe. There was always a possibility, right?
The words sound all too familiar, though. Angela had begged the same thing of her, for the same given reasons. Think of Eddie. She always thought of Eddie, but it never seemed to stick. She wonders if she should think of others, too - of Angela, of Shiro, of Keith, of Max.
She's starting to get tired of constantly seeing that pained look in Max's eyes, after all. The one she gets every time she's had to rewind and she knows that something has happened to her in yet another alternate universe. ]
... No more being reckless. [ At least, to as great an extent as she can manage. She's still Chloe. Let's face it. ]
[She knows that hidden caveat very well. Knows it and accepts it. As long as Chloe is trying.] ...Okay.
[Are you ready for a hug Chloe? You better be because it's a tight one. Max throws her arms arpund Chloe's shoulders and pulls her tight, resting her chin on Chloe's shoulder.]
God, you are such an emotional rollercoaster. [Her voice is tight with feeling, completely burying the anger she'd pushed to the front earlier.] I missed you. So much. I'm... crazy happy that you're back.
[ She's quick to return the hug, though the force of it had made her wobble slightly at first. It's not hard to tell from this close that she's running a fever and she has to choke down a cough as she buries her face against Max's hair.
It doesn't matter how shitty she feels because this hug was exactly what she's been hoping for since she knocked on her door. She feels tears prickling in her eyes and does her best to keep them there. ]
At least you can't say I don't keep your life exciting.
[She lets out a huff of a laugh.] Exciting is one word for it.
[She pulls away, putting a hand against Chloe's forehead.] Angela said you'd have a flu. She's probably going to make you stay at her house.
[And a more serious look passes over her face.] Oh, uh... by the way. Apparently you're kind of a big shot. Whatever happened to just being medium popular? [She smiles briefly.] Tons of people are pissed off about what happened. Not at you. But... Angela's kind of been taking the brunt of it.
[A pause.] Angela and Eddie aren't all that happy either.
[ Chloe averts her eyes at that, wrinkling her nose slightly. ] Yeah. I'm expecting a lecture that's hella worse than even yours when she finally sees I'm back.
[ She feels a twist of knots in her stomach at the idea of Angela getting the anger taken out on her. It makes her frown, figuring she'll have to look it up to see just how bad it was. ]
I'm - I wouldn't say I'm popular. Just not hated as much as back home. [ She has a skewed idea of what popular is, okay. ] Why are they yelling at her, though? It's not like she's the one who shot me in the head.
[Hella worse than Max's? And here she thought she was being too hard on her...]
You are definitely popular. Do you have any idea how many people have dropped the whole "oh hey, you're Max, Chloe's friend" on me? [She grins, trying to keep this light. It also means that Chloe talks about Max to other people, which is... an interesting fact.
Her expression fades at Chloe's question.] ...They think she should've done more to prevent what happened. [She shakes her head.] But don't worry about it, okay? Worry about getting better. [She pushes gently on Chloe's stomach.] Come on, back to bed. I'll call Angela.
[ She wrinkles her nose, shrugging her shoulders wit a small smile on her face. ] Guess it's easier to make friends when no one knows your personal bullshit.
[ Don't worry about it. That's easy to say. She scratches her arm a little, not sure she can stop herself from being a little worried, and definitely makes a note to look into it later. She's not particularly happy to know Angela was dealing with so much shit on top of the grief she must be feeling. ]
Alright. [ She feels shitty enough to not argue. ] Just don't judge me too harshly if I end up puking in front of you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i don't believe you
Date: 2018-12-28 09:24 pm (UTC)... Hi.
[ Oh, yeah, that's going to go over well. She cringes slightly, looking down at the ground. Maybe that would make it easier. ]
I'm so sorry, Max.
...good
Date: 2018-12-28 10:43 pm (UTC)But she's had six days to herself, and she's thought a lot, and she's scoured the network, and she knows what Chloe did. She saw the username price is right. She saw how it grilled Reaper relentlessly. And she knows that Angela repeatedly warned Chloe to stay away, for her own safety.
But that's a joke to her, isn't it?
Though Max wants this to be happy, she is not going to let Chloe get away with treating her life so casually.
Her expression hardens at Chloe's apology.]
...Eddie and I had Christmas without you.
[Her voice is soft, and her eyes gleam with moisture.]
But I should be used to that by now.
i have regrets
Date: 2018-12-28 11:13 pm (UTC)I didn't - I didn't mean to...
[ Her voice shakes slightly when she speaks no matter how hard she tries to control it. ]
I wasn't - It was just supposed to be a joke, I didn't think he'd go that crazy. I've bugged him before and he never -- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I - I fucked up.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-28 11:25 pm (UTC)Max's voice shakes as well. It's still soft, almost a whisper, almost gentle. She finds it difficult to hold Chloe's gaze but she manages. Barely.]
...Are you a joke, Chloe? Is this? [She gestures vaguely at the two of them.] You... you have to stop treating your life like it isn't worth anything.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 01:59 am (UTC)No, this isn't... this isn't a joke. I don't know why I do this stuff. I don't - [ She bites down on the inside of her cheek, eyes closing as she tries to stop herself from crying. She doesn't feel like she really has a right in the moment. Not when she's sure hurt so many people by getting herself killed. ]
Maybe - maybe when you just... get told your life isn't worth anything for so long, you get stuck in some fucked up habits. Or maybe risking it has been the only way I've been able to feel alive since Dad. Or maybe knowing that I've got -- That everything back home is -- [ She closes her eyes even tighter, shaking her head. ]
I promise I'll try to be better. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt Eddie.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 03:48 am (UTC)Chloe...
[The sight of her best friend with her head down and eyes squeezed shut makes her feel terrible. She's only seen her like this a few times. Without even the strength to be snarky and talk back.]
I just get... so scared for you.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 05:27 am (UTC)What if... What if it's like at home? What if nothing I do changes it? [ The strange storm patterns that had started when she first arrived had made it impossible for her to not feel like everything had followed her to Deerington. Even if some of that initial guilt has died down, she still has her fears. Ones she'll never shake.
She opens her eyes to look at her finally, forehead creased. ]
I want to be better. I promise I'll try. I just don't know if it'll do any good.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 05:53 am (UTC)[She understands how Chloe feels- that sense of finality, of being unable to change anything. But they can't just give up here. Not when they have this second or third chance. Does the number even matter? She has to believe that things can change. That they can build something better. Permanent.]
I promise. I'm gonna... I'm gonna fight for you, Chloe. But so should you.
[And they'll let the town crumble if they have to.]
So no more being reckless. Think about... [Her voice softens even further, her hand tensing.] Think about Eddie. [Think about me, she wants to say, but that would be... strange.]
no subject
Date: 2018-12-31 04:18 am (UTC)The words sound all too familiar, though. Angela had begged the same thing of her, for the same given reasons. Think of Eddie. She always thought of Eddie, but it never seemed to stick. She wonders if she should think of others, too - of Angela, of Shiro, of Keith, of Max.
She's starting to get tired of constantly seeing that pained look in Max's eyes, after all. The one she gets every time she's had to rewind and she knows that something has happened to her in yet another alternate universe. ]
... No more being reckless. [ At least, to as great an extent as she can manage. She's still Chloe. Let's face it. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-12-31 04:30 am (UTC)[Are you ready for a hug Chloe? You better be because it's a tight one. Max throws her arms arpund Chloe's shoulders and pulls her tight, resting her chin on Chloe's shoulder.]
God, you are such an emotional rollercoaster. [Her voice is tight with feeling, completely burying the anger she'd pushed to the front earlier.] I missed you. So much. I'm... crazy happy that you're back.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-31 04:40 am (UTC)It doesn't matter how shitty she feels because this hug was exactly what she's been hoping for since she knocked on her door. She feels tears prickling in her eyes and does her best to keep them there. ]
At least you can't say I don't keep your life exciting.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-31 04:48 am (UTC)[She pulls away, putting a hand against Chloe's forehead.] Angela said you'd have a flu. She's probably going to make you stay at her house.
[And a more serious look passes over her face.] Oh, uh... by the way. Apparently you're kind of a big shot. Whatever happened to just being medium popular? [She smiles briefly.] Tons of people are pissed off about what happened. Not at you. But... Angela's kind of been taking the brunt of it.
[A pause.] Angela and Eddie aren't all that happy either.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-31 10:23 pm (UTC)[ She feels a twist of knots in her stomach at the idea of Angela getting the anger taken out on her. It makes her frown, figuring she'll have to look it up to see just how bad it was. ]
I'm - I wouldn't say I'm popular. Just not hated as much as back home. [ She has a skewed idea of what popular is, okay. ] Why are they yelling at her, though? It's not like she's the one who shot me in the head.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-31 10:40 pm (UTC)You are definitely popular. Do you have any idea how many people have dropped the whole "oh hey, you're Max, Chloe's friend" on me? [She grins, trying to keep this light. It also means that Chloe talks about Max to other people, which is... an interesting fact.
Her expression fades at Chloe's question.] ...They think she should've done more to prevent what happened. [She shakes her head.] But don't worry about it, okay? Worry about getting better. [She pushes gently on Chloe's stomach.] Come on, back to bed. I'll call Angela.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-03 11:06 am (UTC)[ Don't worry about it. That's easy to say. She scratches her arm a little, not sure she can stop herself from being a little worried, and definitely makes a note to look into it later. She's not particularly happy to know Angela was dealing with so much shit on top of the grief she must be feeling. ]
Alright. [ She feels shitty enough to not argue. ] Just don't judge me too harshly if I end up puking in front of you.